This weekend I moved all of my belongings into my first itty-bitty apartment. Four short months ago I started toying with the idea of making my transfer to Auburn. About a five hours into that, I realized it was impossible. It wasn't possible on a multitude of levels. I had credits that wouldn't transfer. What I was majoring in at the time wasn't the best at Auburn. I had missed the scholarship deadline. I already had a financial plan for the upcoming year at LSU. All signs pointed to no.
But. God.
Being so rich in His grace and mercies.
After a week of so much thought and so many prayers I knew I had to take the leap. Auburn was weighing on my heart. I had my dream school experience, but it just wasn't a healthy environment. I knew that if this was something God hadn't intended, He would make it known. Little did I know He would provide the exact opposite.
I had to make some of the biggest decisions of my life a few months ago. I was closing big doors without knowing if new ones would ever open. I remember praying every chance I got. I prayed when I woke up, walking to class, eating lunch, at work, and journaled it all every night. I was at the Lord's mercy to provide. All I needed was Auburn's acceptance, some sort of financial aid, a place to live and peace of mind.
One Bible story I always told myself was about Jesus and the birds. Somewhere in Matthew, I think it's in chapter six, Jesus basically says, 'Look at those birds. They have places to stay during bad weather and they have food to eat even though they can't grow it. I provide for them. Don't you think you're worth more to me than the birds?' Jesus continues and makes the same argument for the lillies of the field. As an anxious person, this was a story I've often relied on. It was in those moments I needed it more than ever.
From this point on I would like to share how the Lord has provided for me over the past four months.
Back in April I took an unexpected trip home, well first I went to Auburn, then home. Anyone who knew me, knew that something was wrong. I dropped everything and skipped a week of class, just to try and sort of my decision. The Lord provided grace academically.
During that week, I met with many Auburn counselors to discuss a possible transfer. The whole staff was amazing. I dragged my friends and boyfriend all around campus helping me find everyone I was scheduled to meet with. The Lord provided the staff's availability on short notice as well as answers to every single one of my questions.
Late April I applied to Auburn. I applied with assurance I would get in, but that was the only thing I was sure of. The day after I applied a transfer counselor contacted me out of the blue. She had a step-by-step plan to walk me through my transfer and set up a meeting in Auburn on my spring break to handle paper work. The Lord provided a guide.
I was accepted around a week later and was about to make my way to Auburn for spring break. This was when things got scary. The biggest reason Auburn wouldn't work was due to finances. I had already missed the scholarship deadline and there was no way to receive anything. In order for me to receive any of Auburn's finances I had to completely cancel my package at LSU and re-sign up with Auburn. This meant if I didn't receive enough aid at Auburn, I would have none to fall back on at LSU. I felt like I was jumping out of a plane without a parachute. Yet, I still jumped. The day after I got to Auburn I had a meeting about my finance options and we discussed a plan that would give me more aid than I would know what to do with. The Lord took my biggest fear and completely destroyed it. The Lord abundantly provided financially.
From here the next step was living. I didn't have a place to stay. Auburn was very different from LSU when it came to dorm rooms. I quickly learned a dorm would not be an option. We searched high and low. My precious boyfriend pick up many flyers with possible options. We were overwhelmed. We were in over our heads. We decided to talk to a realtor. Within a day, she had found the perfect place for me. The Lord provided stability.
Mixed in through out this was my academic plan. I had previously wanted to pursue sports journalism. However, as stated in a previous blog, I realized this was not my dream. I looked into the public relations side of mass communications. Right on time, as God does, my boyfriend's mother sends me an article about how Auburn's public relations school was just ranked No. 3 in the nation. The Lord provided comfort in my path.
It was decided. Auburn was my new path. This meant I had to tell everyone. LSU friends, my former roommate, my LSU bosses, all of my family, all of my friends and admit it to myself. This was surprisingly the hardest part. I felt like I was a let down. I had such huge claims about my goals and dreams that I watched come crashing down. It took months of prayer and alone time with my Father to realize I'm not a failure. I haven't given up on my dreams, they've simply change. It's still something I struggle with, but it most definitely come a long way. The Lord provided and continues to provide divine peace.
I don't want my journey to come off easy. It truly has been far from easy. I'll let you in on a not-so-little secret, I've cried many, many, manyyyyy times over all of this. It's not easy to trust God sometimes. It's not easy to go out on a limb and hope He will take care of you. We're humans and doing those things are scary. I just want to be a testament of how the Lord CAN do those things.
We serve a mighty, powerful, loving, gracious God. How unsearchable are His judgement and inscrutable are His ways. Your Heavenly, perfect Father sent his one son so that if you believe in Him you will have eternal life. Along side that eternal gift comes some amazing things like His provision.
I pray this blog touches someone. I hope I can be a testament of my Jesus. I ask if this has encouraged you in anyway to reach out so we can praise the Lord together. If there is anything you're struggling with, provisions or not, reach out so we can pray over it. I want to be a vessel to everyone reading this by His grace.
The Lord provided and provides for me. The Lord provides for the birds and the lillies.
I promise He can provide for you too.
Until next blog,
Matt