I'm just as shocked as you are. Considering some feedback I've been getting from my new decision, I figured it was time for me to explain myself.
First, no, this was never the plan. Anyone who knows me knows how dead set I was on LSU. I loved LSU and I still love LSU. It was and still is my dream school. It gave me every single opportunity I could have ever asked for. I honestly cannot brag on this college enough. That being said, it still wasn't the place for me.
Here's my story. My first semester was honestly some of the best months of my life. I've wanted nothing more than to sit front row in death valley. I teared up singing the alma mater every game and freaked out every time I saw Coach O up close. I rushed a sorority and gained new “sisters” who helped guide me. I joined a newspaper that I ended up falling in love with. It was the first time I was completely independent and it was mesmerizing.
Unfortunately all of that faded away. By the time I went back to LSU after Thanksgiving I was starting to feel anxious. At that time I just blew it off as first finals stress and things of that nature. The weeks leading up to Christmas break I wanted nothing more than to go home and be with family for a month. As that break came to an end and I had to make the six hour trek back to Baton Rouge, I began to realized I was dreading the months to come.
The last four to five months of my life have quite honestly been the most difficult I've ever faced. All of the feelings that I felt over those months are things I wouldn’t wish on my worst enemy. I've never felt so alone, so misplaced, so confused or just genuinely stressed out until then.
Coming back after Christmas break I received the offer to be an on-campus sports reporter for the LSU tv station. I just knew this was the light at the end of the tunnel, the reason I was meant to be at LSU. It breaks my heart to say that it was the complete opposite. This job changed my whole mind on my career path, which in turn changed my mind on a whole lot of things.
They say God works in mysterious ways and that has rang true in my life. I've never been more sure of a decision than my choice to go to LSU and pursue a sports reporting career. When I was granted those opportunities I took it as a sign that I was on the right path, when it reality it was God showing me that I wasn’t. From my pain and confusion He opened my eyes.
LSU taught me a lot, but it really showed me who I was. I realized that I love my family and friends more than anything in this world and the physical distance that was put between me and everyone else was too much for me to handle. I realized that reporting probably isn’t what I want to do for the rest of my life. I realized that good friends are few and far between. I realized that change is inevitable and it’s okay to do it. Mostly, I realized that the Lord’s plan will always shine through and that His will is what will be done because it is in my best interest.
With complete transparency I will admit I’m still struggling with my decision. LSU is my dream school. I’ve received many mixed opinions from others about moving to Auburn, most revolve around me “wanting to be close to the boyfriend” or “not being able to handle LSU.” These are both statements I’ve struggled with. It’s hard for me to acknowledge that both of these are true. However, neither are the sole reason I decided transfer. I decided to transfer because I believe this is the path God is leading me down. I believe it’s best to be close to my boyfriend, best friends and my family. I believe that Auburn will have just as much to offer me as LSU did. Although I’m still weary of what lies ahead, I am placing my trust in my Heavenly Father and His plans for me.
"Brothers, I do not consider that I have made it my own. But one thing I do: forgetting what lies behind and straining forward to what lies ahead, I press on toward the goal for the prize of the upward call of God in Christ Jesus.”
Philippians 3:13-14
During my struggles this verse was shared with me. Since then I’ve looked at it or thought about it very often. It rings true on so many levels. It’s hard to be certain of God’s will. It truly is, but all I can do is press onward to the goal of Christ’s path for me and how I can spread His love while following it.
So I guess to make a long story short, I love LSU and I’m going to miss it oh so much. However, I’m excited for Auburn. I'm excited for a brand new journey. While at Auburn I will start pursing a new major of public relations and dive into the realm of sports communications to play with the idea of becoming a sports agent. A new dream that I can't wait to find out more about.
I want to say thank you to everyone who has supported me and lifted me up during all of my crazy decisions. I’d also like to say thank to anyone reading this. I’m glad I got to share my truth and hopefully show how trusting in God’s plan might not be easy, but will always be worth it.
As always, geaux tigers.
Matt